June 01, 2010
Newspeak, or fair warning to BP?

As Janet Napolitano informed us last December, and John Brennan reiterated just days ago, "terrorism" is so 2008.

It has gone the way of "cowabunga" or "neat-o", and been relegated to the dustbin of disused speech.

Terrorism, in short, is a non-word. Only scholars of dead languages will remember it before the year is out.

Henceforth, the attack on the World Trade Center (well, both of them actually) will be referred to as "man-made catastrophes". The Presidential office of Newspeak has decreed it.

And the President's strategy for dealing with instigators of "man-made catastrophes" has been to have a Predator drone deliver a personalized Hellfire missile to such troublemakers, in a wild departure from the last administration's policies.

So I did a double-take last Friday while listening to the news, and lurched for the "replay" button on my DVR remote, when I thought I heard the President say the following:

"I think I can speak for anybody here, and for anybody who has been involved in the response and the cleanup effort, and for most Americans, when I say that I would gladly do whatever it takes to end this disaster today. But I want to also repeat something that I said to the group as a whole while we were meeting. This is a manmade catastrophe that's still evolving and we face a long-term recovery and restoration effort."

The President, the master orator and teleprompter-reader-in-chief, could not have misspoken... that would have been a Bushism, a throwback to that period of darkness known as 2008.

No, I knew this could only have been a tip-off to the President's numerous Wall Street friends to short-sell their BP stock, as a Hellfire missile would be on its way just as quickly as the Air Force could determine the lowest bidder on engraving "To Tony Hayward, from The Whitehouse" on it (Halliburton is currently running a June no-bid special on Hellfire engravings, promotion code "CHENEY", but as they are co-complicit, using them might have been a bit awkward).

So I lurched again, suspicions confirmed, for my laptop and sold off all of my BP stock... figuring that there isn't a bunker deep enough for the BP executive management team to hide in.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I have a check I need to write to Khosla Ventures... I'm getting in on the ground floor of a private carbon credit exchange.

Posted by 6p0133ef92a9c0970b at June 01, 2010 05:35 PM | Email This
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