November 17, 2008
"That article made me sad"

So said my 26 year old son to me in an IM after he read this article I sent to him.

I responded that it should have made him angry and he agreed, "that too".

The commentary of the young men interviewed by the author is exactly what my 26 and 28 year old sons (and their friends) have been saying for years. They have been chased, cheated upon and stalked in equal measure. They are sick of the game playing, sick of trying to divine what the heck it is these "women" they meet want. They are sick of "used goods with excuses".

Their argument, in effect, was that the SYM is putting off traditional markers of adulthood--one wife, two kids, three bathrooms--not because he's immature but because he's angry. He's angry because he thinks that young women are dishonest, self-involved, slutty, manipulative, shallow, controlling, and gold-digging. He's angry because he thinks that the culture disses all things male. He's angry because he thinks that marriage these days is a raw deal for men.

Sadly, the remaining son, a 19 yr old self-proclaimed "stud" whole heartedly agrees with this aspect... at least in theory.

"We can have sex with as many women as we want and not have to worry about making any of them pregnant," one of my more upbeat respondents, an SYM named Curtis, writes. "Men are having more freedom and fun than ever before in all of history as a result of this, because if there's one thing every single man can agree upon, it's that having sex with as many women as possible is a great thing."

As with all things "liberal" it's a case of be careful what you wish for... you may just get it.

In the mean time, there are scores of young women who just can't quite understand why they never can find a "nice guy", why they are unfulfilled.

And there are even more young men who say "why bother?"

Unintended consequences.

Posted by RagnarDanneskold at November 17, 2008 07:35 PM | Email This
1. Well, from one who has two teenagers of the female type, I can happily say that not all young women are dishonest, shallow, slutty, manipulative, controlling and gold-digging. Some of us are teaching them what it means to be 'liberated', as well as what it does NOT mean. (because no--having sex with mulitple partners and getting sexually transmitted diseases really doesn't make life better, no matter how much Gloria Steinem said it would...)

Posted by: Michele on November 17, 2008 08:02 PM
2. Bravo to you Michelle. I never had any doubt. (You are one poster here at SP I'd be interested in meeting and I've often wanted to share pro-life info I com across with you. I think we have much in common.)

Unfortunately the other parents aren't doing their jobs. Young men today find it's hardly worth the trouble to weed through all the zircon to find that gem quality diamond and that the risks are too big.

I don't envy anyone of that age today.

Posted by: Ragnar Danneskjold on November 17, 2008 08:12 PM
3. STDs will be their personal burden. After all, to these young lefty rabbits, it's the woman's responsibility to deal with pregnancy, so they don't need any condoms.

More of the hedonisitc left, cheapening the culture.

The good news is that the demographics of their philosophy assures us that there will be less of them as time goes on.

Posted by: Jeff B. on November 18, 2008 02:16 PM
4. I would add, however, that those guys who decide that "having sex with as many women as possible" is the way to go in this climate will rule themselves out for the quality women in the pool of dates. So it's better not to fall into that trap, unless they are complete jerks anyway and have no intention of ever being serious. I almost pity the poor man-child immature idiot who tries to ask my youngest out, thinking it just another hookup prospect He'll be met with a wave of the hand and told something like "be gone, man-child. I don't have time in my life for the likes of you. Not gonna waste my time on jerks."

Posted by: Michele on November 18, 2008 02:38 PM
5. I'm sure that article could be re-written to the same effect with the genders reversed.

My daughter is a senior in high school. Her opinion of the boys she knows at school is "quite" low. She views most of them as lazy and disrespectful. It's common for them to refer to girls as "hos" and bitches (and this is in Woodinville, for crying out loud, not the inner city). They're not interested in dating a girl unless they think she'll put out. In short, just the kind of guy who would say, "We can have sex with as many women as we want and not have to worry about making any of them pregnant."

As far as she's concerned, anyone she might ever want to "get involved" with will have to prove they're disease free first.

This IS sad.

Posted by: Paula on November 19, 2008 10:20 PM
6. I don't think the article could be re-written with genders reversed. It was specifically about single males IN THEIR 20'S and their reaction to the authors contention that they aren't 'growing up' because of laziness and/or video games.

As a parent of two educated, employed young men in their 20's, I can say that the remarks of the SYMs in the article absolutely parallel those of my boys and their pals.

My 26 yr old in particular is disheartened. He's close to the age he wanted/hoped to marry and move on with his life. The 28 yr old has made sad noises that he is simply resigned to staying single.

They both have lines they won't cross. Our oldest will not even consider dating a single mom, and his brother concurs. We recently had a discussion in which he said that he wouldn't become involved with one who had an abortion, but that it might be impossible to know before becoming emotionally involved. One of them dated a girl he really liked.. but ended up breaking up with her because of horrendous things in her credit history that would eventually ruin his if he were to marry her.

Posted by: Ragnar Danneskjold on November 20, 2008 02:18 PM
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