Dear Orioles,
For those who still fight actively against suffocation by political correctness, I recommend the following little story. James Thurber, a humorist as well as the author of the piece, is classified in many Introduction to American Literature classes as a "dead white male"; since, along with others, he is often condemned for that fact, his writing goes largely un-read these days. If you have never been exposed to his work, here's a modest example, taken from The Thurber Carnival, Modern Library edition, 1957. One might call it, as he did, a "fable for our time."
"Once upon a time there was a bird sanctuary in which hundreds of Baltimore orioles lived together happily. The refuge consisted of a forest entirely surrounded by a high wire fence. When it was put up, a pack of foxes who lived nearby protested that it was an arbitrary and unnatural boundary. However, they did nothing about it at the time because there were interested in civilizing the geese and ducks on the neighboring farms. When all the ducks and geese had been civilized, and there was nothing else left to eat, the foxes once more turned their attention to the bird sanctuary. Their leader announced that there had once been foxes in the sanctuary but they had been driven out. He proclaimed that Baltimore orioles belonged in Baltimore. He said, furthermore, that the orioles in the sanctuary were a continuing menace to the peace of the world. The other animals cautioned the foxes not to disturb the birds in their sanctuary.
"So the foxes attacked the sanctuary one night and tore down the fence that surrounded it. The orioles rushed out and were instantly killed and eaten by the foxes.
"The next day, the leader of the foxes, a fox from whom God was receiving daily guidance, got upon the rostrum and addressed the other foxes. His message was simple and sublime. 'You see before you,' he said, 'another Lincoln. We have liberated all those birds!'"
Moral: Government of the orioles, by the foxes, and for the foxes, must perish from the earth.
A concerned, attentive oriole might make the following observations:
1. Foxes are best at civilizing orioles in three areas: academia, all levels of government, and particularly international affairs.
2. In public places of discussion or debate, foxes bellow a predictable chant, sometimes accompanied by physical violence. The goal is simple: silence any oriole that dares to speak: "Tolerance! Diversity! Multispeciesism!" Simply translated: Foxes rule; accept it or suffer.
3. If orioles are to survive within any sanctuary, they must abandon the false gods to which they willingly enslave themselves, deities such as Play Station, iPod, all monster vehicles, and the multi-functioned cell phone. (Since some orioles are polytheistic, foxes find them particularly easy to civilize.)
4. For all but the dullest oriole, listening to the daily songs of little, multi-colored media birds exclusively will anesthetize the mind and prevent vital, necessary understanding of undisguised fox behavior. (Lots of those birds desperately want to be big snarling macho foxes.)
5. Whenever a fox says to an oriole, "I want only what is best for you," or "You orioles are so mean-spirited!" one outcome is guaranteed: that bird will end up on a gold-rimmed plate, artfully basted, accompanied by crisp salad and a chilled bottle of the most expensive wine. (Foxes know quite well how to live The Good Life; that's why we are told daily that they are destined to govern lesser animals and birds, such as orioles.)
6. Finally, any fox wearing oriole feathers and a clip-on beak is still a fox.
Although lots of boasting began on January 1st, I'm not willing to concede that 2007 will definitely be The Year of the Fox. Still, it is a good time to pray that God will give us eyes to see and ears to hear, that He will make us "wise as serpents and gentle as doves."
Sincerely,
Procopius