Conservatives tend to poo-poo the threat posed by Global Warming, suggesting it should be treated to the same scientific scrutiny as any other theory instead of blindly accepting it whole-cloth.
This writer was in the same boat until news came out of Scotland about the extinction of Earth's most gentle and majestic creatures.
According to noted biologist and "Nessie hunter" Robert Rines, Global Warming has killed the Loch Ness Monster.
"Despite having hundreds of sonar contacts over the years, the trail has since gone cold and Rines believes that Nessie may be dead, a victim of global warming."
The 85-year old American has spent the last 37-years searching for the aquatic creature using an array of sonar equipment. After taking one possible photograph of the beast's flipper in 1971 Rines has concluded Nessie has gone the way of the Dodo bird.
As an amateur cryptozoologist, and a descendent of Scottish Highlanders, this news is distressing.
The extinction of the Loch Ness sub-species only leaves two remaining populations of nessiteras rhombopteryx in the world; Lake Chelan and Lake Baikal in Siberia.
Like a canary in a coal mine explosion this tragedy should sound the warning bell to all lovers of cryptoid creatures. It is not just the world's population of "Nessies" that face extinction from the effects of Global Warming.
Our native Sasquatch population was already in sharp decline due to anthropomorphic geological events. Depending on an ecosystem of pristine temperate rain forests all sub-species of Sasquatch are acutely vulnerable to even the slightest change in weather variables.
Thriving indigenous populations of Sasquatch that had settled around Ape Canyon on Mount St. Helens northeast slopes have been largely wiped out or dispersed after the goddess Louwala-Clough grew wroth over the arrogant behavior demonstrated by encroaching suburban sprawl and caused the mountain to erupt in 1980. (See the 1999 article in Cryptoid Biologist titled "Virgins, Volcanoes and appeasing Vulcan")
Poor forest management policies of the Bush administration have led to the extinctions of Sasquatch populations in the Beaver Creek and Busy Wild River watersheds (located in the Elbe Hills) as well as the eradication of the Humboldt subspecies in Northern California.
Although Sasquatch are still numerous in British Columbia and Alaska, populations of the hominoid in the Lower 48 States have been in sharp decline in recent years despite relocation efforts and vigorous volunteer breeding programs.
As a species that has never been officially scientifically documented, Sasquatch are particularly susceptible to the effects of anthropomorphic Global Warming; which too has never been officially scientifically documented. Higher temperatures leave the fur covered bipeds more vulnerable to disease due to mange, langor and poor diet. Warmer winters do not kill off parasitic larvae incubating in trees and on the forest floor. It has been documented that Global Warming is solely responsible for forest fires which, prior to the Industrial Revolution, were non-existent in the Pacific Northwest.
It is also unknown how the ravages of anthropomorphic Global Warming have afflicted the populations of other lesser-known cryptoid species. With the demise of the scientific journal Weekly World News research projects documenting species such as the Chupacabra, Elvii, Yeti, Batboy and Mothman have been severely curtailed.
There is still time for action.
Readers need to contact their local elected representatives to demand that legislation be enacted to document and preserve our cryptoid animals and to turn the clock back on climate change.
Let us all rally behind the cry "Global Warming Killed the Loch Ness Monster!!!"
I've written to my congressman. You need to do the same.
My grandpa tried to convince me that ol' Nessie lived in Lake (h)Elsinore. I later discovered that it was merely a collection of balloons made to LOOK like Nessie.
Deceived once again by The Man.
Posted by: Cydney on March 7, 2008 04:02 PMTheory had it that Ogopogo came to the Lake via an underground stream that came straight from Loch Ness.
I hate progress.
Posted by: Bill Cruchon on March 7, 2008 04:04 PMLaugh if you will. They laughed at Columbus when he said the earth was round, too.
Posted by: storsie on March 7, 2008 08:09 PMThe USFS tried just that with sasquatch in the mid 1970s. Spawning the funniest true story of all time.
The clever USFS agents in SW Oregon figured that they could enlarge some wilderness lands by confirming that Sasquatch existed thereabouts and would therefore qualify for protection under ESA.
So they built a large steel bird cage which was designed to slam down and lock if its trigger was tripped.
It was equipped with a transmitter and baited with bananas and other fruit.
After several days of inactivity, a buzzer went off at the District Ranger's office, and the race up the gravel roads began.
Arriving in a cloud of dust....low and behold, the USFS had trapped a large and enraged near hominid.
A well known local hippie.
Posted by: Bart Cannon on March 7, 2008 09:11 PMGlobal warming is nothing more than the latest scheme embraced by the left as a vehicle to cram socialism down our throats. Thirty years ago it was the "coming ice age" and before that it was global overpopulation.
The left is unable to win with their actual ideas,(which fail utterly), so they resort to fear-mongering every chance they get.
Posted by: Bill Cruchon on March 8, 2008 08:15 AMSorry the ESA won't work for Ogopogo. Okanogan Lake is in Canada, and they have yet to ask for union with the USA. That won't happen for another decade at least.
And Michele, your lack of faith in St Gore worries me greatly. Have you been taking money from Exxon-Mobile?
And the ESA will apply to Ogopogo, on account of all them connecting tunnels under the borders through which he commutes to Loch Ness and picturesque lakes worldwide like Titicaca.
Posted by: Insufficiently Sensitive on March 8, 2008 10:00 AMYou know, sort of like Al Gore admitting that were it not for his own IPO interests as a knowledgeable board member and Global Warming High Priest, and Carbon Cap and Trade interests, he wouldn't be so over-the-top with his Climate Hysteria Cult.
As the Nutroots Loons like to say, Follow The Money.
Posted by: Jeff B. on March 8, 2008 11:11 AMand thank you Jeff B., for reminding everyone that Al Gore has SEVERE conflict of interest going on while promoting his religion of global warming.
....and Deadwood, how did you discover my terrible secret?? It's true--I only say what Exxon-Mobile tells me to. :-)
Posted by: Michele on March 8, 2008 12:31 PMI'd gladly send this one to scotland, at taxpayer expense, if he could subject her to the deepest water to show up every hundred years or so for a handout.
Posted by: GS on March 8, 2008 10:45 PMAs with all endangered species, a modern corpse is required for protection status, so at the moment, Okanogan Lake is safe from regulation due to Ogopogo. I don't think Canada's "Species at Risk Act" is law yet, so no bilateral agreement would ensue anyway.
Here is a test using a "cryptozoan" to see how many Sierra Club lurkers read this blog.
Snowfields and cold soils in the Coast Ranges and Cascades are habitat for a peculiar flightless insect which looks like an albino earwig. It is known as the grylloblattid. It is so sensitive temperature that if one is held in your hand its metabolic rate increase to the point that it expires after about a minute.
It is the perfect global warming indicator species for the latter reason and because it is so difficult to find that only a few hundred people on earth have ever seen a live one. I'm one of the few.
So. Have at it Sierra Club. Not as dramatic a symbol as the Polar Bear, but so much more delicate. Photoshop a weak and dying grylloblattid onto a melting snowball.
Just for fun. Think about this. The flightless 45 degree plus intolerant grylloblattid also shows up in the mountains of New Zealand.
Posted by: Bart Cannon on March 9, 2008 09:00 AM
Bart, did you know that Swedish sea serpent Storsjoodjuret, a relative of Nessie (both are classed as 'many-humped' serpents) was on the ESL until 2005? What does that tell you?
I'll let one of you genius right-wing bullies fill in the blank...
Posted by: storsie on March 9, 2008 09:15 AMI found a new species of it in the cold headwaters of Lennox Creek in King County back in 1975.
And that's why I'm so famous to this day, even though it was named "grylloblattid manni" in honor of the entomologist who didn't believe I found some below the snow line.
Posted by: Bart Cannon on March 9, 2008 09:58 AMI keep forgetting that our bloggers name themselves after various ephemeral concepts.
Will you re-appear as Snail Darter? I think I'll copyright that one.
I am now soberly considering the fact that Sweden spent a euro or two protecting the concept of Storsie.
Were those euros from North Sea oil?
Posted by: Bart Cannon on March 9, 2008 10:13 AMI've saw him back in the 70s and he was sweating like a pig in July.
Imagine how miserable he'd be if he left his secret air-conditioned bunker and came back into the public light. It would not be pretty, my friends. Not pretty at all.
That reminds me, I need to rent "Bubba Ho-tep" again.
Posted by: Smoley on March 10, 2008 02:38 PM