It looks like the results are in for yesterday's masturbatory special election to decide whether to maybe build a $3.4 billion dollar Tunnel Hybrid or a new $2.8 billion dollar Elevated Structure.

Look for further special elections coming up to determine if your favorite color is olive or brown, if baby rabbits and ducklings are cute and whether gentlemen really prefer blondes, brunettes, redheads or blues.

With most of the mailed-in ballots in the clear winners and losers are... ummm, well if you just rely on the aggregate totals then both lost but if you break down who voted for what... carry the three... factor in variable percentages...

At any rate, people are still hot and sticky after this $1 million, government funded, public-opinion poll. The myth behind yesterday's vote is that it matters and would have actually accomplished anything. If the Tunnel received 55 percent of the vote do you think we'd have backhoes, excavators, shovels and surveying equipment down on the waterfront next month? Or next year? Or decade? Of course not. The same goes for the "Elevated Structure Alternative", whatever that is.

To illustrate how truly ridiculous the taxpayer funded vote was, there was a theoretical chance that both the Tunnel and the "New Viaduct" could have received 55 percent of the vote. I'm sure Governor Gregoire, WSDOT, Mayor Nickels and the lot would "listen to the will of the people" and set about constructing both of them right away if this happened.

With the math skills displayed by some of our glorious leaders in governmental office and the media even the one useful side-effect of this vote, gauging public opinion for the month of March, 2007 is being misread. It's no wonder why children in this state do so crappy on the WASL.

This simple story problem should be included in next year's exam.

You have 100,000 people voting in a dysfunctional election. 45 percent like Viaducts but not Tunnels. 30 percent of them like Tunnels but not Viaducts. How many does that leave who don't like either Viaducts or Tunnels?

A) 5 percent = 5,000 people.
B) 55 percent = 55,000 people.
C) 25 percent = 25,000 whack-jobs.
D) None of the above.
E) This question hurts my feelings, challenges my self-esteem and is discriminatory to my race and sex.

So who did wind up winning today?

Campaign workers: Some political hacks get to eat this week because they actually convinced some gullible business owners and developers to donate thousands of dollars to "win" this election.

King County Elections: Look how smoothly this example of vote-by-mail went! We should do it more often. It's also good that the temporary workers counting ballots at King County Elections are getting an extra paycheck courtesy of the taxpayer for tabulating a public opinion poll.

The Viaduct retrofit supporters: The Seattle Times is reporting that the state will be investing $912 million in repairing, retrofitting and rebuilding portions of the aging Alaska Way Viaduct. Work will begin this summer.

And the losers?

Gov. Christine Gregoire: It's curious to see the amount of backlash she has gotten from her erstwhile liberal base in Seattle. Chris is in the unpleasant predicament of trying to serve the transportation needs of the entire state (keeping a Viaduct) while appeasing left-wing activists who are advocating funneling thousands of cars, buses and semi-trucks through Seattle's downtown streets. 2008 primary and general election challengers anyone?

Mayor Greg Nickels: I really didn't expect to see the Viaduct rebuild trounce Nickel's tunnel by 15 percent. With the tone that he's been expressing it looks like the Tunnel is dead-and-buried; or cut-and-covered if you prefer. The Times quoted him today as saying, "I will not be advocating a tunnel. I will not be advocating any particular solution." Now that's leadership.

Surface street/Transit supporters: OK, these folks are always losers. The results of Tuesday's public opinion poll show that even in Seattle, they could only get 25,000 people to agree with their transportation solution. That hasn't stopped them from pursuing the chimerical dream that people visiting Seattle, people commuting to and from work in Seattle and companies hauling freight through Seattle are going to have their transportation needs solved by non-existent public transportation options.

Sadly the "Yes and Yes" campaign lost winding up in fourth place. As chairman of the "Yes on 1, Yes on 2, too" campaign I will be holding a press conference where I'll give our group's concession speech Friday, March 16 at 5:30 at Ivar's on Pier 54. The media, and all of you, are invited to attend.