There's nothing like a minor natural disaster to bring a community together. We don't have any of that blaming FEMA, President Bush, or Governor Gregoire and finger-pointing at utility companies. Not for us sturdy Puget Sound types. No sir.

Despite the bravery of our elected officials and the population's universal adherence to the "Three days, Three ways" public service message long before last week's storm hundreds of residents have succumbed to the epidemic of carbon monoxide poisoning. A virus causing people to bring internal combustion engines and open fires into enclosed living quarters has spread through the region hitting the non-English speaking immigrant population the hardest.

Fortunately the Seattle Times came to the rescue by filling the front of the paper this week with warnings in what must have been about sixty languages warning folks not to light barbeques or run generators in their homes because of the danger. The Times is the paper of choice amongst those who can't speak or read English with particularly high circulation numbers amongst the Somali population.

Some naysayers might say the simple solution would have been to just require legal (and illegal) immigrants to learn a few hundred words of English so they can be on par with your average high school graduate. Since this advice sounds like something which would come from the mouth of Michael Savage it has been disregarded.

My suggestion would be to breed Babel fish and stick them in our ears. Sadly, I read in a 12-part series in the Seattle P-I that the Babel fish went extinct in Puget Sound during the Reagan administration after the invention of SUVs, fire retardants, MTV and over-fed orcas.

I'm sure there are some who are insulted though at the arrogance and narrow mindedness displayed by the Times editorial staff at only including a paltry sixty written translations on the front page. At my elementary school in White Center there were almost twice that many languages spoken just on the playground.

More importantly the Times has completely ignored the local dialects spoken by many inhabitants in and around the Emerald City.

Fortunately with the advent of blogs we're able to fill the gaps left by the mainstream media. Being a linguist, I myself am fluent in at least one language and I have a good understanding of a half-dozen more.

Californian: "Do not burn charcoal or use gasoline generators indoors, including the garage. What are you, stupid?"

Redneck: Woman I don't know. Lighting them briquettes in the trailer jest don't seem right to me. Les keep warm in the backseat of my Camaro instead.

Klingon: Ta' ghobe' meQ qul joq vum HoS daq juH Qovpatlh!

Morse code: -.. --- / -. --- - / - ... ..- .-. -. / -.-. .... .- .-. -.-. --- .- .-.. / --- .-. / ...- ... . / --. .- ... --- .-.. .. -. . / --. . -. . .-. .- - --- .-. ... / .. -. -.. --- --- .-. ...

Jive: Say Icky. Take it slow. Lay off your old lady's butane box when your doss in the pad. Dat's gospel.

Sasquatch: Oooook! Ooormph rooo rooo uughhh unghhh!!! (Beat chest three times and look over right shoulder)

Cockney: Don't set McIntyre with Mickey Mouse or you'll take a Lucky Dip in Gypsey Nell.

Ballard: Ya ol' coot. Yust leave da yenerator in da fish shed. Grab da snoose und feed da seagulls.

Chinook Jargon: Boston wau'wau si'wash wake mamook pi'ah, olapitski ko'pa house.

There are many more local languages out there which need to be transcribed. If you are a translator who is fluent in Ebonics, JavaScript, Elvish (dark and wood), Dylanese, Veder-speak, McDermott, mime, Grey or Voodoo economics please leave your contribution below.

In the spirit of public service here are a few more helpful hints for those still without power:

If your neighbor happens to be blonde or is perhaps the state's senior U.S. senator make sure you remind them that it's not necessary to keep changing all of those light bulbs which aren't working now.

If you are an Islamic terrorist, ELFer or a disgruntled militia member remember that the C-4 you've smuggled across the border from Mexico can be used as an excellent heat source in well ventilated areas.

Don't burn those extra copies of the Seattle Times or Post-Intelligencer in your kitchen sink. At least until you've read last Sunday's Real Estate section...

Don't attempt to attach jumper cables from your car battery up to your fuse box without the assistance of a professional electrician or your cousin Ed if he's in town.

If you live in Medina and happen to be driving through Auburn, Spanaway, Eatonville or South Park and you see a third world landscape of homes in disrepair, appliances in front yards and wrecked vehicles just relax. It's normal and trust me, there's no need to send in the Red Cross.

All of the warning labels and safety manuals, printed in four different languages, which come with hammers, screwdrivers, buckets, flashlights, appliances, goggles, beef jerky strips and coffee cups purchased these days can make an excellent secondary fuel source in a pinch.

Plastic houseplants don't breathe carbon monoxide.