Your School Board at Work

The Seattle School Board burned the midnight oil this morning, passing a slew of highly important resolutions.

First, they lowered academic standards in order to send many more young people out into the world with nothing more than poor skills and a false sense of accomplishment:

The classes of 2005, 2006 and 2007 will no longer have to meet the 20-book reading requirement, which instead has been incorporated into language arts classes, or writing and math-proficiency standards.

Beginning with the class of 2008, students won't have to write a research paper but will have to fulfill the state mandate to complete a senior project.

Next, the board added "transgender persons" to its list of groups who are protected from harassment and discrimination. We have nothing but compassion for those who have bona fide medical gender disorders, but the Board's definition of "transgender" seems overly broad and a tool for political persecution:

Transgender persons exhibit behaviors of or may resemble the opposite sex.

This definition would seem to offer special protection to "economic girlie men", while permitting discrimination and harassment against Republicans.

In another move central to its mission of academic excellence:

New food policies will make certified organic slaw, fresh fruit and smaller portions the norm on the à la carte trays in school cafeterias

Finally:

next year all beverages sold at school and school activities must not contain caffeine

The School Board should extend the ban on caffeine to apply to their own beverages. Instead of drinking Fair Trade Coffee so they can stay up until all hours of the night passing idiotic resolutions, perhaps they should just get a good night's sleep and focus on giving Seattle's children a proper education.

Posted by Stefan Sharkansky at September 03, 2004 03:15 PM | Email This