So I went to the John Kerry rally in Tacoma Saturday because I'm curious about such things, and because I'm curious about people who go to such things for reasons other than curiosity.

The MC was Garrison Keillor, famed for his Prairie Home Companion stories. I assume he was chosen because he's one of the few people on earth who can make John Kerry sound vibrant and exciting.

He began his lullaby of words with a song -- "America" -- fully expecting the crowd to join him, which it did not. There were two possible reasons for the dead hush: The kind of folks who support John Kerry aren't the kind who would know the words to the American classic, or they object to singing about God.

Keillor gave them the benefit of the doubt and started speaking the words into the microphone before each stanza: "America. America. God shed His grace on thee. ... Aaammeeericaaa..."

Dead hush.

After his solo, Keillor started glorifying public schools and making fun of President Bush, which made the crowd happier, but sleepier too.

My guess on attendance was 10,000. I think I was close, but there was this in the Tacoma News Tribune, whose reporters were, apparently, part of the Kerry love fest they later wrote about:

"Crowd size estimates differed. Tacoma police spokesman Mark Fulghum said 12,000, but Robert Perez, a state Democratic Party spokesman, said 18,000 or 20,000."

I can't imagine which one we should believe.

Wesely Clark kicked off the formal speaking by bashing President Bush and saying clever things like: "We need a man with steel in his backbone, not just shrapnel in his leg." Kerry nodded, looking heroic.

Then came John Rassmann, who said things like: "An attack on John Kerry is an attack on all Vietnam veterans!" Kerry nodded, looking wounded.

Somewhere in the midst of it, Kerry carefully removed his suit jacket and began rolling up his sleeves. I think that meant he was one of "us" now, an average American who knows how to work hard and get dirty.

Yeah.

I was already sleepy, so I didn't stick around to hear Kerry's 45-minute speech. Remerciez Dieu.